Mountain biking is still fun

It's a blast actually. One of my passions. One of my passions that I have been neglecting lately, however. Of course, getting back together with Amy and every day now waking up with the mutual realization that you are with the love of your life can be distracting. But now that we're settled, back in our groove and working with the reality of raising 4 kids together, life is different. For one thing, there is joy in the mundane. Simply making dinner together, feeding the kids, doing the dishes, putting the kids to bed, then sneaking into the bedroom for really mind-blowing sex trumps the need to be anywhere else. But, that being said, I have recently gotten back on the bike after about a 3 month hiatus. Here is what is different now:





-I am a slow sack of crap. But I still love it. I suffer more for less gain, but the thrill, rush, attraction, whatever you want to call it, is still there. Knobby tires on dirt. Love it.





-Biking is not an escape now. It's true recreation. I still ride for me, but me isn't crying out for more pain, suffering or other feelings to drown out the suffering in other parts of my life. No more compartments to navigate, no more shifting gears when I get home. Life just is.





-I don't care about the "scene" anymore. I am sometimes riding solo again, and now I remember why I got into the sport in the first place. It's liberating for the soul, but that only works if your soul is in the right place. I sometimes wonder how I got into this sport, the initial fitness curve being what it is, but then I remember; true love.





-I think about Amy and my kids when I ride. How lucky I am. I don't need the trinkets on my handlebars reminding me I have little ones at home. They are there with me. I'm not shutting out parts of my life by riding, I'm embracing all of it, the "oneness" of everything now. It's hard to explain, but it's better now.





Life is fun. Yes, there is still the lingering grief over the death of my first marriage, the occasional reminder that things are not what they used to be, and that bittersweet nostalgia for the past. But that joy I used to extract from dancing with singletrack has now superimposed itself on every facet of my life. Getting up in the morning next to the love of my life and feeling that excitement that the new day brings is very similar to that feeling I get when I first start turning the cranks on a trail I am excited about. Like riding National. You don't know what's going to happen, but you know it's going to be good, because it's her, and she's never gonna let you down. Why? Because she knows what she wants, and isn't afraid to ask for it. She can commit. She has integrity. She never played games, and though others played with her, she stayed true to herself. She had the strength to take action and get a divorce, after giving her marriage all she could, even if it meant working for nearly minimum wage. She had the strength to educate herself and get her degree, magna cum laude from ASU, even while raising 2 kids. She had the strength, and still does, to put it all out there, day after day, even of no one cared. Well now someone cares. Now she has someone that did the same, day after day, even when no one cared. Now she has someone with the strength to take action and be honest with themselves and others.





This is the foundation I wanted, this is how I wanted it to play out. I may be far from perfect, but the gods sure dealt me a sweet hand. I knew this journey would lead somewhere, and for awhile I thought I knew where it was leading...but then I got rudely reminded that I should have listened to my initial instincts, the ones that started the original journey and that periodically come back to remind me to keep turning those cranks. But, as Stu predicted, I got bitten by one of the bottom-feeders, right out of the gate. Learning experience, or re-learning, for sure. But as Amy says, everyone before, for both of us, was a stepping stone to the right place. So once that got re-aligned I was ready. It's funny, both Amy and I went through the same experience at approximately the same time. We put it all out there for someone that claimed to want it but we both eventually found out that they were full of shit. And we both had the same initial instincts about them that we didn't follow. Crazy. Do we hate them? No, not even close. Pity? Nope. We just look at them as fellow souls seeking the same thing we needed, just haven't found it yet. Our advice? Be true. Be available. Quit blaming others. Be willing to step it up. Amy and I did that, and as much as it hurt at times, here we are. If you can't commit 100% to those 4 things, get out of the game. You're lying, and you're just hurting others.


I am convinced that true love is possible, that soul mates exist, and that that old addage about becoming the person you want to marry, getting yourself ready, is true. I would add though, that "becoming" does not mean "sell yourself out". I am also convinced that that person is often closer to you than you think. Every time I get on the bike, there is somewhat of a psychological homecoming of sorts. A connection to good feelings that I have experienced my entire life. Amy provides a similar connection, and every time I am with her, I am reminded of who I am, where I came from, and where I'm going. I'm a crazy, inexplicable Celtic/Castillian mix that only she understands. My brother Stu said he did nothing special to "find" Angie. He was just true, available, accountable, and willing to act. After all that, he says he was just extremely lucky to have found and married Angie. Good job, little bro.

Tangent alert.

I think things happened for a reason, for them and for Amy and I. One thing we all did was to release religion and embrace spirituality. (The difference? Religion is for people that are afraid of going to hell. Spirituality is for people who have been there) We jumped off that train and started down our own path. That path is not entirely pre-set, but neither is it entirely up to us. Do the gods reward integrity? Hypocrisy is chaotic, and there is plenty of chaos in the universe. Maybe there is some connection. Ha, easy trap to fall into.



Well, you can stake that claim

Good work is the key to good fortune

Winners take that praise

Losers seldom take that blame

If they don't take that game

And sometimes the winner takes nothing

We draw our own designs

But fortune has to make that frame



We go out in the world and take our chances

Fate is just the weight of circumstances

That's the way that lady luck dances

Roll the bones



Why are we here?

Because we're here

Roll the bones

Why does it happen?

Because it happens

Roll the bones



Faith is cold as ice

Why are little ones born only to suffer

For the want of immunity

Or a bowl of rice?

Well, who would hold a price

On the heads of the innocent children

If there's some immortal power

To control the dice?

We come into the world and take our chances

Fate is just the weight of circumstances

That's the way that lady luck dances

Roll the bones

(End of tangent.)

Amy says the only constant in life is change. I agree with that, but also believe that underlying that change are a few constants that only you can define for yourself. For me, that is my biking, my family, and my Amy. They are the three things in life that have never betrayed me or let me down. And that's why all three are still fun.

Captured Moments

Semi-darkness. Lighting. The eyes. Hazel-green dowsed with wisdom, 17 going on 50. Red hair. The smile.

I'm the same as I never was.

But I'll never be the same.

Her temperament, her demeanor; So complex, yet so easy to navigate. And I know complex...I know myself. Soon, I will know her again.

Together, we 6...I work tomorrow, and work I will. For we 6.

And the joy and power of building a kingdom is back. A kingdom, and not just a cold grey fortress. A beautiful, vibrant kingdom made beautiful by what she brings.

Made beautiful by the moments we capture.