Persimmon haze

The dirt is caked on like a thick layer of powdered sugar.  I feel everything.  I live to ride again.

That is to say; I live, to ride again.

Rode the east/west loops yesterday.  It had been awhile, and like most trails lately, I'm re-discovering them with a different body.  I'm trying to restore to myself the body I had 3 years ago...lean, fast and aware.  But 3 years of change and recovery has made me soft.  I've dropped 15 pounds so far this year, looking to drop at least 30 more, but I'm finding age has decided I can't do that as fast as I used to.  I was 29 when I finished grad school and found the time to again think about my body in addition to my mind and soul.  I was almost 31 when the restoration was complete.

I'll be 38 in a month and I feel like I've aged 20 years since that triumphant day in November, just over 7 years ago.  Just found some old pictures of me from 5 or 6 years ago and Amy said I looked like a cancer patient in some of them.  I suppose, but those were the days of lean, fast and aware. And I want it back.

And get it back I will.  Just posted another personal best on a familiar route and took another ride a few days later on a trail I thought I'd never enjoy again...but that Secret trail was even better than the one I'm so used to.  I laugh at the pathetic meaning I once attached to it.  Something about change, but now I know, it's just another trail, and my body feels the climbs just the same.

My lenses on my riding glasses are persimmon now, not dark grey.  I like the clarity, but metaphorically, I like the fact that I can't hide my attention anymore.   I never liked being hidden, but the haze that accumulated made it all to easy.

7 days now, 7 more rides.  I've been ineffective this week.  Time to wipe the haze away.

What a great song

Ha.  So fitting in so many respects.  Chase after it, you overgrown children, cause that's all you can ever do.  Seek after that which you think you need...Amuse us, because at the end of the day, after all the words come out and and the only thing left is primal...who acts and who does what they're told?


You Don't Know What Love Is (The White Stripes):


In some respects
I suspect you've got a respectable side
When pushed and pulled and pressured
You seldom run and hide 
But its for someone elses benefit 
Not for what you wanna do
Until I realize that you've realized
I'm gonna say these words to you


You don't know what love is
You do as you're told
Just as a child at ten might act
But you're far too old
You're not hopeless or helpless
and I hate to sound cold
But you dont know what love is...
You just do as you're told


I can see your man 
cant help but win
any problems that may arise
but in his mind there can be no sin 
if you never criticize
you just keep on repeating
all those empty "I love you's"
until you say you deserve better
I'm gonna lay right into you


You don't know what love is
you just do as you're told
just as a child of ten might act
but your far too old
your not hopeless or helpless
and i hate to sound cold
but you don't know what love is
no you don't know what love is
no you don't know what love is


you just do as you're told
you do as you're told
yeah