Persimmon haze

The dirt is caked on like a thick layer of powdered sugar.  I feel everything.  I live to ride again.

That is to say; I live, to ride again.

Rode the east/west loops yesterday.  It had been awhile, and like most trails lately, I'm re-discovering them with a different body.  I'm trying to restore to myself the body I had 3 years ago...lean, fast and aware.  But 3 years of change and recovery has made me soft.  I've dropped 15 pounds so far this year, looking to drop at least 30 more, but I'm finding age has decided I can't do that as fast as I used to.  I was 29 when I finished grad school and found the time to again think about my body in addition to my mind and soul.  I was almost 31 when the restoration was complete.

I'll be 38 in a month and I feel like I've aged 20 years since that triumphant day in November, just over 7 years ago.  Just found some old pictures of me from 5 or 6 years ago and Amy said I looked like a cancer patient in some of them.  I suppose, but those were the days of lean, fast and aware. And I want it back.

And get it back I will.  Just posted another personal best on a familiar route and took another ride a few days later on a trail I thought I'd never enjoy again...but that Secret trail was even better than the one I'm so used to.  I laugh at the pathetic meaning I once attached to it.  Something about change, but now I know, it's just another trail, and my body feels the climbs just the same.

My lenses on my riding glasses are persimmon now, not dark grey.  I like the clarity, but metaphorically, I like the fact that I can't hide my attention anymore.   I never liked being hidden, but the haze that accumulated made it all to easy.

7 days now, 7 more rides.  I've been ineffective this week.  Time to wipe the haze away.