I have Australia to blame...no, thank.
In almost 8 years at my company, I learned how to apply every aspect of what I learned in school and in my previous jobs. In other words, I learned how to push paper, check boxes, and say the right thing, to the right people at the right time. But what I couldn't escape, and what bothered me, was the fact that I got paid, every two weeks, regardless of what I did. I could work 10 hours a week or 80, and I'd get the same check.
I like working 80 hours a week. As long as I'm compensated for them, and they mean something. This thought caused me to delve deeper into what I was doing with my career, and more importantly, with my life.
While I was in Australia, I had purpose. I worked hard. I knew if I missed a day, I would be missed. I had a clear objective, and I put my career on the line to achieve that objective. It was a tough one. It was a classic underdog situation. Deploy this system, in a fraction of the time with a fraction of the resources usually available for a project like this. And I did it. I nailed it. I spent only 66% of the budget I was given, and I did it on the date I said I would. It was the most satisfying project I had worked on since my first two years with the company.
Then I came home.
Back to the grind. Back to approving expense reports, reviewing proposals, creating documents that are never read, and coaching the 7 other people on my team on how to do the same thing. Back to leading a team that with one exception, didn't even work in my city. Back to endless virtual (online) meetings where decisions were made and never followed through on. Back to reviewing decisions made 2 years prior and re-hashing the same excuses for why development was delayed. Back to raising a red flag and being told "shhhh! We need to maintain our relationship with our preferred (offshore) vendor!" Really? I questioned them charging us 25K to change 2 lines of code! "Shhhh! Just go back to pushing paper!" Back to working with people that had mastered the system, but were clueless when it came to actually getting results. "Oh, missed another deadline? Well, it was much harder than we thought. We should push the date back. My team is working hard, but it's just soooo hard." And when their director and VP BACK THEM UP, despite clear plans and deadlines that were agreed to...and prove to be just as spineless and slippery...
Really?
I could play the game. Heck, I've done it myself. I know how it works. In a salaried, institutional world, it's first about protecting your back, then protecting your boss' back, then your employees...then, if you have some time, actually doing something. Government employees understand this game well. Unfortunately, it extends beyond just government. I think most large, established companies...after working almost 12 years for 2 of the Dow Jones companies...are no better or efficient than the government that they are in bed with. When we look at government wastefulness and inefficiency, we should also include in the same breath the big businesses they have "bailed out". They are just as incompetent.
So I quit. I'd had enough. Bold move? Absolutely, especially with no real job prospects already lined up. But I like to think fortune favors the bold. And there was a sort of chuckling satisfaction, during my exit interview, as I informed the HR representative why I left and that I didn't have a job lined up. I just didn't want to work there anymore, and damned be the consequences.
I've pulled some pretty gutsy moves in the past, and this has to rank up there with the gutsiest.
But I have that same feeling of peace, that same feeling of purpose, that I have had in the most lucent moments of inspiration in my life. This is no different. Life is about to change drastically, again, and I'm just going to ride that wave until the gods put me on the shore I'm meant to be on.
It's an extension of the core concept I have come to internalize these last few years:
Be what you are, and do what you say.
Metaphorical tangent...Chemicals and compounds, are a result of a complex set of sub-atomic interactions that occur under certain circumstances. The most stable compounds are the ones that occur naturally, or are ideally suited for the environment they exist in. I'm still not 100% sure what I am, but Argon and even enriched Uranium have a purpose.
My purpose is evolving, but I'm pretty sure I've got a handle on it. I know what I'm good at. I know what I suck at. In fact, I almost think I'm ready to decide on what I want to do when I grow up. And money doesn't matter anymore. I've run the educational and institutional gauntlet. I've lived the dream, had the giant house and nice cars and lots of disposable income....but it means nothing, if you're not living a life of purpose.
I have the vision. I've proven my integrity. Time now to pursue not my dream, but my purpose.
Stay tuned.
