Full Circle

And here I am.  Full circle, living a life that I should have started 18 years ago but couldn't, at least not until now.

2 and a half years later, after the seemingly impossible happened, and it just keeps going.  I may have purged myself once, but the bones were and always will be a part of me; and now, more than ever, I know its for the better.

Rebuilding a life takes more steps than I thought, and makes me appreciate all that goes into building a foundation.  For one thing, time.  Time to see all those dimensions that only come out with the changing of the tides.  I'm well aware of what doesn't work, and maybe I've grown a bit cynical, but I don't care anymore.  Sadness is to the east now, and easy to see.  At our age, it's just an artifact of our childhood, but you can only entertain it for so long, if you clearly intend to do nothing about it.  I don't want any part of it;  what energy I have left is better spent elsewhere.

Yet some still seem to thrive on it.  Can't let go.

Well fuck them.

I've spent enough time in my own rabbit hole and the ones of those I love to find it interesting anymore.  Oh I'll traverse the sea of human drama again and again for the rest of my life, most likely, but I'll certainly not drift in it.  Just knowing what's on the other side of the Sargasso Sea is enough for me, and I can accept that getting to the new world and back requires tenacity, courage, integrity and patience.

Tenacity, courage, integrity and patience.  I know the meaning of the words.  While I feel young, happy and carefree again, I have the perspective of time now.  Makes for an easy way forward, with simple truths that don't need explaining:

Yet requires a watchful eye that knows how to keep out the demons at the gate.