Fifty

 So much unpublished. So much unfinished. If I look at the back end of this blog and the things you can't see, I see a life of unfinished thoughts, moments of inspiration that didn't materialize, and frankly, a curated list of the few things I felt good enough to share. 

I'm not going to go back too much and re-visit those moments and try to revive them and make them come alive, like in the moment when I was writing them. That would be a waste of time for one reason, and it's a reason that I'm stated in this blog a few times: time marches on. If you miss the moment, you miss the moment. No use trying to Uncle Rico the past. 

That being said, there's a lot of gold in there, published and unpublished themes that matter to me; like watching and appreciating my kids growth, appreciating the mundane moments, and always having an eye towards the future. 

My kids are almost grown now. Natalie is moving into the honors dorm at NAU in a few weeks. Ethan is starting his junior year of High School as a dual athlete now: Basketball and now Golf. Both have drivers licences. both have jobs and checking accounts. Both are responsible, up and coming young adults with a bright future in front of them.

So WTF do I do now? 

Well first off, it's hard to let go of the dad role. Or I should say, the dad role as I understood it 5 minutes ago. When I said time marches on, it really does, and that causes you to be constantly re-inventing yourself. In this case, I went from the dad of toddlers, to the dad of pre-teens, to the dad of teens, to the dad of a college student and an upperclassman in high school in the blink of an eye. To be fair, I've enjoyed each of those phases to the fullest. I just wish they lasted longer so I could revel in them a bit longer.

But life doesn't work that way.

Soon, I'll be an empty nester. Father-in-law to someone, most likely, then Grandpa. 

Grandfather.

I never knew my Grandfathers. They died before I was born or a continent away when I was very little. I only have folklore, or legend, passed down from my parents. 

Fifty is uncharted territory, but it's not like I can't plan the adventure and take things in any direction I want. I have no legacy or tradition dictating my path. I have no in-law obligations. I have no one other than my daughter and my son to care about. Outside of that, I have my job and co-workers, family, and carefully curated circle of friends, all of which I love. 

Well damn. I knew the power of putting your thoughts on paper was real.