Fear

"One reason that the Allies overestimated the effect of strategic bombardment was that they failed to realize that the Germans were much more afraid of their own government than British and American bombs." Good quote. Can the same be said of the Soviets, the Viet Cong, the Khmer Rouge, Saddam Hussein, Al-Qaeda...etc? So what do we do, keep dropping bombs? The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results...

It all boils down to fear.

Fear...of change, of others, of loss. Face the change, face the fear...face the fear, face the future.

Evolve, please.

Don't just try

"If you're going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don't even start. This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives and maybe even your mind. It could mean not eating for three or four days. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail. It could mean derision. It could mean mockery--isolation. Isolation is the gift. All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it. And, you'll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds. And it will be better than anything else you can imagine. If you're going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It's the only good fight there is."

- Charles Bukowski

Merry X-mas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa...

Or Happy Winter Solstice. Whatever. It's the end of the year, I'm off work until the 11th, and I'm sitting here at home, playing with my kiddos, blogging, and just generally soaking in the joy of my family and the season. Ahh, good times.

Amy is at the store picking up some stuff for the big family Christmas party tonight. After relaxing all Christmas Day tomorrow, we're packing for the Portland trip and Nick and Maria's wedding. We successfully handled 50+ people at the house last week for our graduation and Holiday party with friends and co-workers, now it's time for the family version...hooo boy. Good thing we'll have a good couple weeks to recover.

2009 was transformational for me and in a lot of ways a giant leap of faith. But here I am, one year older, one year wiser, and looking at 2010 with more hope and optimism than I've felt in a long, long time. Life truly is good.

So to all my family and friends who still read this thing, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and have a happy New Years! Be safe, enjoy your time off and be sure to take some time to reflect on all the goodness in your lives.

-JB

Why do we do what we do?

If you look at the surface, you will never understand.

If you peel back the onion, it starts to make sense.

If you accept the simple explanation, you are likely to be deceived.

If you listen to the cacophony, you will miss the point.

It's easy to hear, it's hard to understand.

Those who whine the loudest have the weakest position.

In fact, those who whine for a living have no platform at all.

Don't listen. Watch.

Don't accept. Do.

Don't fight. Love.

Don't worry. Be.

Emotional Terrorism

Emotional Terrorists are not too different from real terrorists. They use deceit, stealth and lies to attack those that unintentionally make them feel inferior, for whatever reason. Bottom line is, they themselves feel inferior because they themselves are lacking somewhere, and rather than look into their own souls, rather than take the high road, rather than use what millions of years of evolution have given them, they blame others. This makes sense. Terrorists are ignorant, and incapable of self-reflection. They just react, instead of thinking, like a human. They are like animals, but smart ones. But rather than react to everything with blatant anger, (at least most of us have evolved beyond that approach) they react in sneaky, dishonorable ways to attack the thinking ones, the one that make life better and are interested in progress and evolution. Evolution is a threat to their existance, so they fight it. But that's the point...they are only capable of reaction.

They have names...usually followed with an four-letter word muttered under your breath. They are the ones you hear about that are incapable of decent, intelligent human interaction, but rather turn everything into a fight or reason to pursue or promote their agenda. They can't just exist and collaborate. They can't accept the fact that others may have differences of opinion. They can't give AND take, they just take. They have to fight and destroy. It's their way, and it's just primitive. They can't appreciate and embrace others, and realize the power of the synergy found in differences. Sometimes they claim to embrace the "straight and narrow", whatever that means. Mostly, it means their version of the straight and narrow. My way or the highway. They want a simple world, where everyone is an easily understandable homogenous blob of similarity. Sound familiar? Makes sense if you are a drill seargent or a football coach...but in the complicated real world of human relationships, where the long term effects matter and there is more than a single objective, (i.e., beyond this season or the next hill) you have to take a more sophisticated approach, and engage and involve those higher skills we have been given. But they don't see that. They only see the here and now, that which is immediately in front of them. Admirable as a skill, absolutely, but not as a strategy. Effective tactics, extrapolated and re-branded as a strategy can only be used for power, and that is just tyranny.

Well screw that. Me and mine may lose this battle, but I ain't buying it.

It took me awhile to realize that terror is terror, whether emotional as in a relationship, or real, as in a palestinian bomber. The consequenses may be vastly different, but in principle, it's the same. I wish I lived in a world where basic rules were respected universally and we could all interact intelligently. But, as I and the world have learned, there is no negotiating, no discussion that is possible with true terrorists. It's like dealing with animals. And animals, like terrorists, have no rules. They are barely alive, and though they may be functional, they are still animals. They take the easy route. They do whatever makes sense in the moment, long term consequenses or strategy be damned. They are too weak to educate or be educated. They give their kids (or constituents) candy to shut them up, rather than engage them. They perpetuate dependence, which, ultimately, is a form of power.

Now, to be clear, I don't mean to imply that there is some group of "others" out there that go around all day with "Emotional Terrorist" t-shirts and club jackets and just exist to cause havoc. Roll with me folks, it's just an archetype. Therefore, unfortunately, we are all capable of displaying this type of behavior.

If we allow ourselves to. (But then, that's the point, right?)

I used to fight with people that were like this or displaying this behavior. I used to argue, and not take it. I would fight back. I now just ignore it. Because unlike real suicide bombers, emotional terrorist attacks only hit their mark if you let them. They thrive on your reaction, and if you don't give it to them, they will just go away. That's why the wise are cautious as to who they let into their lives. They know emotional terrorists are everywhere. That's why people that are open books are so vulnerable to attack. And it's also why this open book has closed, except to a special few.

Fresh start

Ah, life is good. Got a new job (same company) a few weeks ago, and with it came a new team, and a new focus on software...my old passion. I managed to avoid the layoffs (yay!) and land in a spot where I can really thrive. Also, I figured out how to refinance the house, make the bills, and just hang on until this damn economy improves. The last links to my old life are gone, and the new one has begun. Amy is 9 weeks away from graduation, we have a beautiful thing going, and I can't wait for us to be husband and wife...like we should have been all along.

I started riding again, after a couple months off. Not nearly as much as I have in the past, but it's a start. Amy has her eye on a 16-inch Fetish Seduction which should give her something easier to pedal than my Nomad, which she currently rides. An XL, 33 pound, 6-inch travel bike probably isn't the best for your average 5'6" female, but she loves it...and will that much more when she gets something sized for her. And I can't think of anything more appropriate for her than a black Fetish Seduction. I have an old set of Crossmax SL's that will look great on it...

Nothing hurts anymore. Getting up, going to work, dealing with kids, dealing with budgets...yeah, it's all trying and challenging, but nothing hurts anymore. The eggshells are gone. No ominous presence anymore to diminish your existence. Heck, even the old, hard mattress is gone, and I sleep better. (We got one of those tempurpedic memory foam mattresses...wow, what a difference...)

But I think the biggest difference is, I feel needed and appreciated. No, scratch that. I just feel engaged. The time I spend with my kiddos now is so much more involved. Heck, I'd rather take 50% custody and all quality time with my kids than to have stayed married to the ex and have maybe 10% quality time because mom and dad had so many issues to deal with. Would the kids really have suffered less had we stayed together? Doubt it. Yeah, it's not ideal, but its the best we could give them. I hope they understand that, and don't fall victim to the "life templates" that their mom and dad fell victim to. Now, I've got the rest of their childhoods to teach them how to listen to the gods and follow their own path, and not someone else's. Granted, there will be opposition, but they'll figure it out. As long as there is a voice of reason in their lives. As long as I'm around.

Integrity

...is saying what you do and doing what you say. It's quite simple, actually. I can accept if you're a kid, and you don't really have the capability to commit to anything yet. I understand kids whining and moaning if they don't get their way, as long as you, as a parent, remind them that it ain't gonna work with you.

But if you're an adult, and you can't back up your words, or the expectations you have set for yourself with others, then you better expect the consequenses. People with integrity are all around, and if you can't walk the walk, you better not complain when the piper comes calling. The metaphorical checks you write in life will be cashed, especially if they are written to a clan that has standards, and expects results. I can't stand people that are all talk and no action. But then I remember, life is a lot like the playground we all grew up in. And those who cry and whine and run to teacher back then will do it now too. They can't resolve their own conflicts, so they look elsewhere and...for lack of a better term...act like the children they still are. Bottom line - they are still weak, spineless...and scared, just like they always were. So sad.

But then again, the wise do not hold grudges...they just draw conclusions and their metaphorical crysknifes (See "the way of the knife") and move on.